Retirement - It's Not a Job. It's the Last Great Adventure

It's been almost 11 years since I retired from my job.  It hadn't seemed that long until last weekend when I received a phone call from one of the guys I used to work with.   We had a nice chat about what retirement's been like and I thought I would share some of my feelings about it with you.

In August of 1998, I officially left my position as a corporate officer.  This wasn’t a resignation, a firing, downsizing, or retirement.  The parent company just decided to sell the division for which I was responsible and I joined the rolls of people enjoying early retirement.  

This exit from the work force came about a year earlier than my wife and I had planned. For eight years, we had been renovating our retirement home to fit our exact needs. The “adjustment” to our plan worked to our advantage as we were able to leave a year earlier with no financial penalty.

Although my official title was president, what I really did for a living was observe the human condition as it applied to the work place and the world as the company was in the radio broadcasting business.  I tried to spot trends in human behavior both inside and outside so  that we could capitalize upon these trends and have a happy work force inside  and a larger listening audience outside.  I’m not paid to do this anymore, but I still do it for my own enjoyment, to keep my brain functioning and to have fodder to feed  the blog.  What follows are observations from outside of the workforce.  It’s a primer, if you will, for those who are about to step out from under the safety of the company tree.   If this is not your plan for the near term, stash this away until the appropriate time.   I hope it helps.

1.  Although there is plenty of money, I have suddenly begun to focus on telephone calling plans, restaurant early bird specials, and various combinations of cable and satellite services that will give us the most channels for the least amount of money.  I think I do this because for the first time in fifty years I do not have a regular paycheck coming in.  I took back the bill paying duties from my wife Ellen (which she surrendered gladly) so that I could see just how much was going out each month.    I still don’t know for sure.  However, I did learn that Ellen no longer believes  that her late father owns the electric company, she thinks he willed it to me.

2.  I have developed routines for myself.  We live in a rural place so I must go to the post office each morning to retrieve our mail.  This is an excellent opportunity to snag any needed tradesman as they are there retrieving their mail as well.  I also get to meet and greet some of our friends and acquaintances.  While I am there, I go through all of our mail and throw away all of the junk mail as the postmaster is kind enough to provide large waste containers for this purpose.  I hope she is recycling this stuff.  So, in short, this is a half hour task that allows me to return home ready to retreat to my den to pay the bills (Our credit rating is outstanding as I turn the bills in 24 hours.  So much for cash management.) and deal with anything else that is generated by the mail.

3.  I spend a lot of time with e-mail.  I have appointed myself the official propagator of humor to a select group of about 125 friends and acquaintances.  This keeps me in touch with them and in tune with the humor of the day which has always reflected the mood and attitudes of the world at large.  Blogging has also become a passion and a way to stave off mental deterioration.  Crossword puzzles help as well. 

4.  I bought a larger Swiss Army knife.  For years I carried the Executive model with its orange peeler and tiny toothpick and scissors.  That little gem retired as well.  It is living in a nice wooden box on my bookshelf that is almost full of things I think I’ll need someday.  (I’m going to need some  more nice wooden boxes soon.) When you are retired, you need a major toothpick, larger scissors and a greater selection of screw drivers as I have noticed that every day  there are a far greater number of occasions to: (1) pick my teeth, (2) clip things out of newspapers or magazines and (3) tighten screws of various sizes, types and head shapes.

5.  A friend of mine related a story about a mutual acquaintance who  turned down a gazillion dollars for his company.  When asked why and how he was able to resist such a tempting offer he said, “I don’t want to be another one of those rich guys with nothing to do.”  To me, this is very sad because obviously this fellow has not developed an inner life.  He thinks he is defined by the company he owns.  He needs to find some other interest other than the work.   Many people have this same need.  I can’t count the number of retired executives I used to see in the building lobby of my former employer.  They were there more often than when they were on the payroll. They had developed no inner life so they had to come back to the mother building to regain their sense of self.  Many of them had business cards printed using the company logo (an illegal thing I think).  This card had their former title on it, their current home address and phone number and, somewhere, in small print,  the word “retired.”  Forget that “get a hobby” is a cliche and get one.  Find something that you will know as much about as you knew about your work.  Unless you truly hated your job, I suspect you will find this activity most rewarding.  I chose photography.  It has all the glitz and creativity that the work had.  It’s has equipment, varying techniques, changing technology and several publications dedicated to it that discuss the equipment, the varying techniques and the changing technology.  There are even contests in case you need the competitive buzz.

6.  If you retire to a place other than the one in which you worked, be prepared for the luxury of being no one special.  In the beginning, people here only knew us casually. They had no idea of who we were, who we are or what we did.  They had no social expectations of us.  They did not know anything about us.  Therefore, we could be who we actually think and know we are.  If we tend to expose our former social styles it is our choice and not one that is expected.  (No more “Wait till you meet this guy...he’s a joke teller, a jerk, a drunk, a bore, a fugitive, a fraud, a soothsayer, a pirate, a nay sayer, a prayer sayer, a dud, a big corporate guy.) If you ever really wanted to be accepted for who you are or think you are this is probably the last chance you’ll get.

7.  This is also a good time to check through your stuff.  At this point in our lives, the stuff we have is more or less permanent.  As you review your stuff you will find things you haven’t touched in years.   Chances are you are never going to touch them again.  Give them to a charity or the nice men with the big truck who come early in the morning.  On the other hand, if you have lusted after something like  new golf clubs, new boat, room addition, new furniture or any other thing you and/or your spouse think is essential to your well being, buy it now.  It will be almost impossible to talk yourself into it later. 

    

8.  This is also a time to give back to the community.  After all the community provided us with many luxuries.  So if you were ever going to do volunteer work, now is the time because for the first time in a long while you are truly in charge of your time.  Volunteer work can be anything you want it to be.  Lots of charitable organizations can use your skills.  Just remember that charity management is not about money (because there isn’t any for the administrators or anyone else for that matter) it is about power.  Let them deal with when the mailer goes out, how it will be folded and what color it will be even if what they have decided is, in your view, ridiculous.  It’s their payment and ego reenforcement.  Many of you may have been like this in your work and now you can see up close and personal just how stupid, time consuming and wasteful  micro management really is.  You should concern yourself with doing the real work for which  the charity was founded.   I know, it’s hard to be an Indian after you’ve been a chief.  However, you must remember you had to start out as a pretty good Indian to become the chief you became.  There is nothing wrong with Indiandom. 

9.   Think long and hard about that second home.  I’ve done the numbers and it does not  appear to be worth the worry of having the alarm company call you from hundreds of miles away in the middle of the night to tell you the smoke alarm has gone off, the fire department can’t get in and they want permission to break down the door.  Besides, for what you will spend annually on a second home, you can go to the finest resorts in the world for a month or two every year.  And if you don’t like the one you picked, return the keys and go somewhere else next year. 

10.  Make a daily date with your spouse.  Ellen and I try to sit down with a glass of something every day and just touch on what happened that day.  It’s easy to inadvertently live separate lives once you are retired.  You and/or your spouse are no longer road warriors with tales of the hunt to tell.  The job of retirement comes with its own set of tales and it is very easy to forget to share since we  think that because we are spending more time  together we are communicating more.  This will not be true unless you make it so.

What you have read is all I know about this part of the life adventure even after having lived it for almost 11 years.  However, I am keeping copious mental notes which I will share with you when I know more.